Sufjan Stevens Concert

A group of us went to the Sufjan concert in Lawerence. It was a lot of fun. Experiencing the whole things with Tad Hammis, was great. He has dreamed of going to see Sufjan live for a while now. The 9 person band was a pretty amazing thing to experience and the show itself was entertaining with all of the band members in cheer/yell leading uniforms. Make a Kansas album Sufjan!

Luther

I watched the movie Luther last night in class for the first time. What a great film, more importantly a great story. Part of what we were suppose to look at was the relationship between Staupitz (spiritual director) and Luther. I saw qualities in Staupitz that showed me a lot about their relationship. He was sensitive to God's timing. He approached Luther at the exact right moment. He was attentive to the inner struggles in Luther. He had great vision for Luther and gave him direction toward that vision. He saw so much in Luther, and when needed he was bold in his direction. In class it was pointed out that Staupitz is always sending Luther out (toward a greater vision it seems). The thing that impressed me most about Staupitz as a spiritual director was how much he loved Luther. Luther seemed out of his mind from time to time and Staupitz stuck with him, saw beneath the surface and loved him. One thing I loved about this film was the picture painted of Katie, Luthers wife. She seemed to have an inner strength and confidence in God's truth. She wasn't afraid to confront Luther with the truth and pursued his heart in ways that no one else had. It was inspirational for me. This movie is such a wonderful example of living by faith, being willing to sacrifice for others knowing and believing the truth.

Paying attention

I have been feeling alone in ministry. I realized this after this great week of training we had at the start of school with student leaders. Our staff was unified and were working closely together. It was easy to get up in the morning knowing that I would be standing along side others who's passion for students equaled mine. That week came to an end and then I entered into the normal grind of collegiate ministry. We all are investing in different people and have different focuses and really only interact with one another twice a week. Our vision is the same, our passion hasn't changed, but working side by side with each other is gone. It has been difficult for me and really couldn't put my finger on all of this until last week. I've been doing this sort of thing for years and this is still a challenge. I'm not sure if it is singleness or if it is just a downfall of our view of doing ministry sort of independently. I really love those I work with, I just wish I could actually work with them outside of a 2 hour meeting time. I've felt the need to 'pay attention' to this alone in ministry feeling. I know all the spiritual answers about Christ being with me. I believe that, but Jesus didn't do ministry solo. I can't give you a better model than that. This has led me to re-thinking some about how I lead the women on staff. I know we are all 'busy', but perhaps we need to be doing more ministry together. That will be messy at times,inconvenient and won't take away feelings of discouragement and loneliness. It's worth experimenting with, I think.

Life map

I guess I should explain this piece of art. I did this for my class last year for the final project. It is pretty symbolic of repeated themes in my life, the journey that is continuing even now. I used fluid acrlyics and mixed media for this piece. As a closet artist it was my first painting that I actually shared with others. It was a very powerful expression for me. If you ever want to ask about it, I'd be glad to tell you what is going on with these images.

Confusion and Disappointment

In the book, " The Safest Place on Earth", the author talks about turning our chairs inward and being a presence in peoples lives. There are many types of presence people can be to one another in a Biblical, healing community. A spiritual friend, mentor, discipler, spiritual director, etc... These are categories that we’ve talked about in class. We are all trying to learn about these things and at the same time we bring our own 'spiritual baggage' to the table. We have all had wonderful and sometimes horrific experiences in these types of relationships. It isn't easy to keep chairs turned in toward one another. There seems to a gravitational pull that pulls my chair back around so I can't see others any more. The safest place on earth suddenly feels like a battle for my soul and others. I have to hold on tight to truth in the midst of this force of gravity. Using this analogy of this fight against gravity (my flesh), of course I will experience confusion and disappointment. It is to be expected that I will encounter these things in any realm of caring for others. Crabb says that confusion and disappointment bring openness and hope. Hope no long becomes directed toward a person or object, but my loving Creator in whom my hope can rest securely on. That despair I feel when disappointed God uses for Glory. It reminds me of the book Ruth. In my greatest disappointments from people, life circumstances, my own expectations, God is writing a story that surpasses what I will see in this life time. I must remain in Him as I love people, and enter into their lives. I want to fight that gravitational pull of self that makes me want to turn my back on people rather than keep my chair facing others. I want to be open and hopeful as I approach God and others and let all of my disappointment and confusion leads me there.